We are three months into our adoption and I keep thinking that I should have some insight by now to tell others who may be starting the journey. Someone asked me to be a guest panelist on a blog for older children adoptions and after 2 weeks, the questions are still sitting in my inbox, unanswered. I don't like the feeling of an unanswered email, but I just can't bring myself to offer information that might be taken as advice on something that I am still muddling through. Because frankly, I am still searching for answers myself, every single day.
Don't get me wrong. We have come far in 3 months. The challenges we faced initially are not so much challenges anymore, and our children have made great strides in learning English and gaining a taste for American food, which are the two biggies. And if I were honest, I would tell you that much of the challenge now lies within myself. Therefore, whenever I do gain insight relating to the state I am in, I get a little excited and want to share it with anyone who will listen, whether they are adopting or not.
When I say that I am searching for answers, I mean that I pray multiple times a day, crying out to God for his help and wisdom. I have learned (thankfully) that no blog, facebook group, article, or other adoptive mother can give me the answers I need for my family. Every family is different and if I were to compare our situation with any other, or to simply apply what other families have done, I would get nowhere. That leaves me with a big need and not many easy answers. You see, I have a preteen daughter that speaks another language, 4-year-old twin boys (basically), and two other children that are trying to find their place in the family, like any other child would be. Are you shuddering yet?
In my weakest moments, I often ask myself or my husband, "why me? I am not cut out for this. What was God thinking? Seriously???" I am definitely no Jen Hatmaker, Michelle Duggar, or Alicia Rowe (wink wink). I am not a barrel of fun, I lean towards introversion, and I lack the self discipline needed to properly manage a homeschool and family of 7. I like to sleep in and have yet to conquer mornings! (I really thought that I would be a morning person when I became a mother, because that is a sure sign of a good one :)). So once again, this leaves quite the GAP when it comes to the needs of my family and my capabilities.
God just happens to think differently, I do believe. After I left my daughter's room the other night, feeling disappointed because of my inability to connect with her, I turned straight to this verse: "But, Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord. For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends." (2 Corinthians 10:17-18). I often get caught up in what I am doing wrong or how every single thing I do affects one of my 5 innocent children who are looking to me for love, acceptance, guidance, and strength. I want to throw my hands up and scream, "Stop watching me! I'm not a good role model!" Thankfully, this scripture lets me of the hook. Even if I was the ideal adoptive mother, it wouldn't matter a hill of beans to the one who does matter.
We have talked about Mary, the mother of Jesus quite a bit in our home. Our children come from a traditional religious background that holds her in the highest regard. As Christmas surrounds us, we are faced with this woman who considered herself a "humble servant," yet is highly esteemed by many. I got to hear my dad preach last Sunday on "Mary's Song" which is found in the 1st chapter of Luke. As Dad pointed out, Mary only sought to magnify God. She could have argued all the reasons why she was not a good choice to be the mother of Jesus (as there were several), but instead she focused on the goodness and faithfulness of her God. She might not have known how God would orchestrate all the details of her life or her heart for that matter, to go through the life and death of her baby boy. But instead of doubting, wondering, and fearing (as I am so prone to do), she said, "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior" (Luke 1:46-47).
I am in no way attempting to compare myself with the Beloved Mother of Jesus, but I can't help but think that God wants me to learn from her life. She too had a gap between what God called her to do and the responsibility/influence she had as being the mother of the King of Kings. Can you just imagine the pressure? I wonder how many times Joseph had to talk her off the ledge and remind her that it was God who would see them through, not their own capabilities or successful parenting. I don't know if she was as insecure a mother as I am, but I do know that the same God that was faithful to Mary is faithful to me and my family.
"But, Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord. For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends." (2 Corinthians 10:17-18).
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Saturday, October 12, 2013
The Best Part
My sister asked me this evening what the hardest part of our adoption has been. It didn't take me long to respond that it was "managing the household" (and I don't consider myself a good manager). A household that now contains 5 children under the age of 10. Half of them different sexes, half of them different DNA, and half of them from different cultures (well almost half). That really was an easy answer. It doesn't take a graduate level psychologist (even former) to guess what that answer would be. Even though this has been our best week yet, my sister knows me well enough to ask the hard questions and not let me get away with the typical response of "it's going well".
Well you can imagine my surprise when I came out of the little boys room after putting them to bed and found this little set up:
The papers are labeled "Cameron" and "Ruth" at the appropriate place setting of popcorn, preferred drink and stuffed animal, all in front of the TV. I was so fortunate to have one as well with my preferred drink. We had planned to watch a movie since it was just us girls, as the little boys were sleeping and the big boys were at a football game. However, being the worn out mom that I am these days, I didn't plan any of these extra touches. Cameron did this all on her own. I was actually planning to get some laundry done while they watched the movie, but after this sweet surprise, I decided to neglect the laundry and soak in the moments with my girls.
Sher bear, if you changed the question to "What is the best part?" this is my answer.
Monday, September 30, 2013
"In a minute"
"In a minute," is one of the few English phrases that my daughter can say well, American accent and all. I don't know if it's because she has heard me say it so much since she has been home, because I say it in a sing-song voice as I am calling back to one of my children across the house, or if it is because she can sense my frustration of having to repeat it over and over to my little people. Whatever the case, she has it down. This is how our conversation went today: I say, "It's time to go to your room for a bit. I will be up there in a minute." Ruth says, "in a minute, Mommy" (points to me). "In a minute, me?" (points to self). I respond, "Me, yes, in a minute. You, right now." She smiles and goes back to painting her toenails, as if she doesn't understand what "right now" means.
As I finished my task of washing dishes (and yes, she did proceed to go to her room after the toenails were painted), I realized my lesson was in the words that my daughter can say so beautifully. God had answered my prayer of revealing something to me, something good from this mess of a week we had, something to show me that he is in fact present in our family right now.
A wise friend spoke these words to me yesterday morning (without me telling her any details of the tumultuous week): "persevere, it will get better." An adoptive parent recently told my husband that adoption is often living out what the Bible teaches on love when it doesn't come naturally. My mind was suddenly connecting all of these words of others and I realized that God was speaking to me. Before today, I already knew what the Bible says about love, especially in 1 Corinthians 13: "Love is patient...." Even though I had memorized it several times, I had never thought about why God would list patience as the first virtue of love. As a parent trying to teach my children to be patient, I am beginning to understand. Patience is for their own good. Patience will help them in every area of their life. Patience will build their character. If they learn to wait now, it will help them later in life. To love others and to love God, they must be patient. They must learn to put their own needs and wants aside and wait, sometimes blindly, submitting to authority.
I realized then that although I am training my children to be patient, I expect them to obey immediately. Yes, it is okay for Mommy and Daddy to take their time in answering you, but you must obey as soon as we ask. It sounds harsh as I type it, but is that not how it is with God? God trains us to be patient, but he expects us to obey while we wait.
You see, this lesson that I so desperately need right now is to be patient. We have been home just over 3 weeks from Ethiopia with two new members of our family. I will not lie. It has been hard. It has been trying. It has been a struggle to transition from a comfortable family of 5 to an awkward family of 7. Anyone that has asked me how it is going has received an honest answer. However, with my honesty of the reality of our life right now comes a shout out to a God that I KNOW is rooting for us. He told me just today what Greg and I need the most of to get through this: PATIENCE (to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart; to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles- Vine's Expository Dictionary). I am so glad that God is patient with me. He knew the virtue I needed to work on first when I practice loving my children, thus listing it at the very beginning of a well-known chapter. Because He has loved me so and because He is so patient with me, I will be patient with them. I will "persevere" as my friend said, and not loose heart because I can't wait to see what God does with this awkward family.
"Love is patient" 1 Corinthians 13:4
As I finished my task of washing dishes (and yes, she did proceed to go to her room after the toenails were painted), I realized my lesson was in the words that my daughter can say so beautifully. God had answered my prayer of revealing something to me, something good from this mess of a week we had, something to show me that he is in fact present in our family right now.
A wise friend spoke these words to me yesterday morning (without me telling her any details of the tumultuous week): "persevere, it will get better." An adoptive parent recently told my husband that adoption is often living out what the Bible teaches on love when it doesn't come naturally. My mind was suddenly connecting all of these words of others and I realized that God was speaking to me. Before today, I already knew what the Bible says about love, especially in 1 Corinthians 13: "Love is patient...." Even though I had memorized it several times, I had never thought about why God would list patience as the first virtue of love. As a parent trying to teach my children to be patient, I am beginning to understand. Patience is for their own good. Patience will help them in every area of their life. Patience will build their character. If they learn to wait now, it will help them later in life. To love others and to love God, they must be patient. They must learn to put their own needs and wants aside and wait, sometimes blindly, submitting to authority.
I realized then that although I am training my children to be patient, I expect them to obey immediately. Yes, it is okay for Mommy and Daddy to take their time in answering you, but you must obey as soon as we ask. It sounds harsh as I type it, but is that not how it is with God? God trains us to be patient, but he expects us to obey while we wait.
You see, this lesson that I so desperately need right now is to be patient. We have been home just over 3 weeks from Ethiopia with two new members of our family. I will not lie. It has been hard. It has been trying. It has been a struggle to transition from a comfortable family of 5 to an awkward family of 7. Anyone that has asked me how it is going has received an honest answer. However, with my honesty of the reality of our life right now comes a shout out to a God that I KNOW is rooting for us. He told me just today what Greg and I need the most of to get through this: PATIENCE (to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart; to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles- Vine's Expository Dictionary). I am so glad that God is patient with me. He knew the virtue I needed to work on first when I practice loving my children, thus listing it at the very beginning of a well-known chapter. Because He has loved me so and because He is so patient with me, I will be patient with them. I will "persevere" as my friend said, and not loose heart because I can't wait to see what God does with this awkward family.
"Love is patient" 1 Corinthians 13:4
Sunday, August 25, 2013
So so close
We are so close! Close to going across the globe again, close to seeing their smiling faces again, close to finalizing the very last step of our adoption journey, and so close to bringing our babies home (Yes they are older children and yes I will call them babies as I refer to all of my children)! I simply cannot believe that we are finally here. God is so good and he has been faithful to get us here.
I am thankful that he is, even when I am unfaithful. My faith has wavered in these last few weeks. I had my worry glasses on as I looked around me instead of above me. Once again I have proven myself unfaithful to a God that is more than faithful. He is everlasting and true.
You see, there are so many variables with adoption, especially international adoption. One of the major forces of adoption is timing. Ask any adoptive parent and they will tell you that timing is everything and every minute away from your child is counted. So when my plate began to fill with things beyond my control I began to wonder what God was thinking and feeling sure that he needed my help in planning all of this (even though he is the MAKER of time). So I fretted, I griped, I complained, and I cried. All signs of my weak heart. But God was faithful...
Little did I know that He would call my precious Nanny home smack dab in the middle of it all. Little did I know that what Nanny left for me, my sisters, cousins, and everyone who knew and loved her was a legacy that I needed, smack dab in the middle of all of this. Little did I know that God would work out every single detail of timing from schedules, surgeries, and the amazing drop in airline prices to fit my needs. Plus, God would answer my selfish prayer of allowing my mom to travel with me. Oh He is good! And little did I know that the last sermon I would hear before going on this second trip to Ethiopia would be based on Nanny's life verse. One that all 10 of her grandchildren know by heart because it was written on every card that she gave to each of them.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. " Proverbs 3:5&6
Yes we are near the end of the waiting. Our babies will be home in less than two weeks. We will have them in our home and in our hearts forever. We will finally be able to see the fruition of so many answered prayers. But in so many ways our journey is just beginning. They have so much to learn and we do as well. There are a whole new set of issues that will arise once we get home, that may or may not surprise us. If I listen to my weak heart I will be terrified. But if I listen to the favorite words of Amy Reeves, my heart will be at peace. God has this. He has proven faithful, just in this month, in so many ways. I am confident that he is committed to my family, all 7 of us.
I am thankful that he is, even when I am unfaithful. My faith has wavered in these last few weeks. I had my worry glasses on as I looked around me instead of above me. Once again I have proven myself unfaithful to a God that is more than faithful. He is everlasting and true.
You see, there are so many variables with adoption, especially international adoption. One of the major forces of adoption is timing. Ask any adoptive parent and they will tell you that timing is everything and every minute away from your child is counted. So when my plate began to fill with things beyond my control I began to wonder what God was thinking and feeling sure that he needed my help in planning all of this (even though he is the MAKER of time). So I fretted, I griped, I complained, and I cried. All signs of my weak heart. But God was faithful...
Little did I know that He would call my precious Nanny home smack dab in the middle of it all. Little did I know that what Nanny left for me, my sisters, cousins, and everyone who knew and loved her was a legacy that I needed, smack dab in the middle of all of this. Little did I know that God would work out every single detail of timing from schedules, surgeries, and the amazing drop in airline prices to fit my needs. Plus, God would answer my selfish prayer of allowing my mom to travel with me. Oh He is good! And little did I know that the last sermon I would hear before going on this second trip to Ethiopia would be based on Nanny's life verse. One that all 10 of her grandchildren know by heart because it was written on every card that she gave to each of them.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. " Proverbs 3:5&6
Yes we are near the end of the waiting. Our babies will be home in less than two weeks. We will have them in our home and in our hearts forever. We will finally be able to see the fruition of so many answered prayers. But in so many ways our journey is just beginning. They have so much to learn and we do as well. There are a whole new set of issues that will arise once we get home, that may or may not surprise us. If I listen to my weak heart I will be terrified. But if I listen to the favorite words of Amy Reeves, my heart will be at peace. God has this. He has proven faithful, just in this month, in so many ways. I am confident that he is committed to my family, all 7 of us.
Monday, July 8, 2013
1st Trip Recap
We are finally caught up on our sleep and are back to a normal routine since returning from our first trip to Ethiopia. To say that we were blown away by the sights and sounds of a different culture and land would be an understatement. We were not prepared for the range of emotions that we experienced either. But God is faithful and He was with us the entire trip. He answered many prayers of safe travel and a successful court appointment. We met our children and they are wonderful! I will continue this post in pictures since my words are inadequate...
This was our initial meeting. Eyeruse and Erymais came right in and gave us both hugs. We were thankful for great friends that captured it on camera and video.
After they met us we introduced them to their siblings back home. We showed them pictures of Reece, Cameron, and Clay and they said, "sister, brother".
Eyeruse wanted to take a picture of the whole family. I love this girl!
Erymais was so proud of the bracelet that we gave him and that his brothers are wearing back home.
I wish I could show all the pictures from this photo shoot. One of our favorite moments of the trip was when we went to the rooftop balcony of the transition home with our children and all their friends. They had the best time taking pictures of us and each other with our cameras and phones. They lined themselves up and posed with their friends for a photo shoot as well. We loved getting to know the older kids at the transition home. There are pretty awesome! The other couple with us is Andy and Renee, who are from Louisville and who have adopted Solomon, one of our children's friends. We were so thankful to meet them and share our time and experiences with them in Ethiopia. We had court on the same day and hope we can travel together for Embassy.
This is a map of America in the Transition Home. Our kids know where they are going and are very excited to come to America. We are fortunate that many of the older kids will be moving to Kentucky as well. They will continue their Ethiopian friendships in their new homes. God is good!
Monday, June 17, 2013
How we got here
Well here we are, officially on our way. Tickets are purchased and the packing has begun. As I have expressed before, I am in disbelief that I will be on my way to AFRICA, for crying out loud, in just a matter of days. A dream of mine is about to come true, and I can actually cross something off the proverbial bucket list. In less than 2 weeks, we will have met our new children for the first time and stood before an Ethiopian judge who will declare them as Mateyokes. If this whirlwind of an adoption tale seems too good to be true, it is. It is better than anything I could have written and I want to share with you why...
Several people have recently asked us how we got here. What led us to adoption? Why Ethiopia? Why two children when we already have three? I shared in our original post the basic answer to the WHY. But at this point, I want to give details. I want to tell you about how God has orchestrated all of the details up until now.
God planted a seed in my heart for adoption as a young girl. When my own sister began to build her family through adoption, I quietly observed, wondering if we would ever be so fortunate to experience similar blessings. So I began to pray. I prayed for God to give my husband the same desire that I had towards adoption. I prayed earnestly and consistently. After about six months, my daughter expressed an interest in adopting a sister and she too began to pray that "God would let us adopt". This was Cameron's prayer for several months. Every time she prayed, that is what she said. What can I say but that God heard mine and Cameron's prayer, and he answered. After approximately one year of praying for Greg's heart to be led toward adoption, he expressed to me that he was ready and excited to pursue international adoption. The reason we chose Ethiopia at this point was because of a consistent pull in both of our hearts towards a country stricken with poverty and disease. We both felt very convicted that we could best share God's love and provision with a child that may never have a chance of a fulfilling life, or worse yet, of hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ.
After our decision was made to pursue adoption and how we would go about it, we had to decide what "parameters" we would request for a child. Since one of the influences was our daughter's desire for a sister, we stated that we would like to be considered for a girl up to age 6. Cameron was 6 at the time we began the process. We also stated that we would accept two children if there was a sibling set. I remember when our social worker, Lyndsey, called me one day after all of our paperwork had been submitted. She wanted to double check our parameters to make sure that we were ready to get on the "waiting list". She said, "What is your ideal referral?" Meaning, what age and gender do you really want. After some hesitation (because come on, it just doesn't feel right to special order a child!), I said, "well... I guess we would love to get a 4-6 year old little girl." She stated that they would make note of our "true preference" even though we were approved for either gender birth to age 6. Oh, but in the meantime, after learning that the wait time would be longer than we expected, we decided to change that age 6 to age 7, since Cameron would be turning 7 long before we would get a referral.
Another thing to note here, is that as a family, we began to pray for our adoption. We prayed for our daughter, that God would protect her and provide for her until we could bring her home. We prayed that God would send her to us in his timing. However, my timing was not lining up with God's timing and I got impatient. Every month, our agency sent out an email with a new wait list number and a list of "waiting children" who for whatever reason were not matched with a family. Anyone on the waiting list could inquire about these waiting children and then proceed to adopt them. There were several children that I eyeballed on that list, and several times I elbowed Greg. "What about this one? That is exactly what we want! Couldn't we consider that child?" And after each time that I elbowed Greg, he answered with a solid no, and a reminder that we were trusting God to send us our child through our agency. They were in fact a Christian agency whom we trusted to present us with a referral that was best fitted for us. I did not like that answer, but knew in my heart that he was right. We had to wait on God for this one.
After 7 months on the waiting list, a referral seemingly nowhere in sight (we had gone from #94 to #68), I began to doubt. Doubt that it would happen and doubt that God had really led us on this journey. I am so glad that even when I doubt and waver in my faith, God does not change His plan. All along, He knew what was waiting for us right around the corner. He knew what would happen that very last day of April.
It was a Tuesday morning like any other. I had packed all three kids in the van, grabbed my bottled water, and raced out the door to make it to my workout class in time. About halfway there, my phone rang. I fetched it out of my purse and read "Lifeline" while it kept ringing. "Lyndsey is calling to check on us because NOTHING is happening and I have to pretend that I am NOT growing very impatient," is what I thought. "Hello, Julie, it's Lyndsey. Do you have a minute? I know that you are approved for a girl up to age 7, but we want to know if you would consider an 8 year old girl who has a 5 year old brother?" "Um, what?" I thought, not remembering one word of what I said back to Lyndsey. Total shock. This was not supposed to happen for at least another year. That's what I had told everyone that recently asked how the adoption was going. I asked Lyndsey if I could call her back. I needed to call Greg and I was on my way to the Y. I must get my workout in. So I call Greg, barely able to get my mouth to work, and somehow manage to share what I was just told. Still not thinking of it as a referral, I answer the kids' questions who have heard everything at this point, and proceed to my exercise class. After about two minutes in, I realize that I can not concentrate. My mind is racing, replaying the conversation, and finally realizing that this is an actual referral. I decide to excuse myself from class and head out to the van so I can call Lyndsey back and get the scoop. You see, I have this hyper emotional response that kicks in whenever I am caught off guard. I tend to freeze up and don't know what to say and I can't think straight. After asking basic questions, I head to Greg's work so that we can receive the pictures and information on the children together.
The pictures and information we received were different than what we expected. "Wait just a minute God..., what?... this isn't what we were thinking. Don't you know what we wanted?" After Lesley explained everything to us about the documents, she told us that we had a week to decide if we would accept the referral of these two children. We hung up the phone and my husband gave me that smile that I have come to expect in these monumental moments. The smile along with his calm presence that told me everything would be okay. "But what about...?" We had a lot to think about and talk about later. He had to get back to work and I had to get out of there.
I am so thankful for those friends and family that have committed to praying for our adoption journey. You see, when someone tells me that they are praying, it is times like these that I know those prayers were heard. At this point in my day, I needed a word from God, and I needed it bad. I became a basket case as I thought of what it would mean if we did or did not accept the referral. My mind began to race, but this time with fear and confusion. In hindsight, I believe that the enemy was flooding my mind with fear and doubt. However, because of all those prayers that were lifted on our behalf, God moved in me. Praise God, he reached down, touched my heart, and changed the course of our lives by gently reminding me to trust in Him. Through reading scripture, prayer, and very wise counsel, I realized that this was our crossroads of faith. This is where "the rubber meets the road" and when we had to decide if we would jump in, trust God, give him our all, or if we would play it safe and continue to control our own path with our own agenda.
So here we are... we decided to accept that referral of two healthy siblings, ages 5 and 8ish... Realizing that this post is way longer than I intended, I will save the other exciting details for later. Just know that God has given us peace and hope as we trust in His plan for our family. We are about to burst with excitement and anticipation of what He has in store for our new family of 7. We can now rest in the truth of this word straight from His mouth:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Several people have recently asked us how we got here. What led us to adoption? Why Ethiopia? Why two children when we already have three? I shared in our original post the basic answer to the WHY. But at this point, I want to give details. I want to tell you about how God has orchestrated all of the details up until now.
God planted a seed in my heart for adoption as a young girl. When my own sister began to build her family through adoption, I quietly observed, wondering if we would ever be so fortunate to experience similar blessings. So I began to pray. I prayed for God to give my husband the same desire that I had towards adoption. I prayed earnestly and consistently. After about six months, my daughter expressed an interest in adopting a sister and she too began to pray that "God would let us adopt". This was Cameron's prayer for several months. Every time she prayed, that is what she said. What can I say but that God heard mine and Cameron's prayer, and he answered. After approximately one year of praying for Greg's heart to be led toward adoption, he expressed to me that he was ready and excited to pursue international adoption. The reason we chose Ethiopia at this point was because of a consistent pull in both of our hearts towards a country stricken with poverty and disease. We both felt very convicted that we could best share God's love and provision with a child that may never have a chance of a fulfilling life, or worse yet, of hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ.
After our decision was made to pursue adoption and how we would go about it, we had to decide what "parameters" we would request for a child. Since one of the influences was our daughter's desire for a sister, we stated that we would like to be considered for a girl up to age 6. Cameron was 6 at the time we began the process. We also stated that we would accept two children if there was a sibling set. I remember when our social worker, Lyndsey, called me one day after all of our paperwork had been submitted. She wanted to double check our parameters to make sure that we were ready to get on the "waiting list". She said, "What is your ideal referral?" Meaning, what age and gender do you really want. After some hesitation (because come on, it just doesn't feel right to special order a child!), I said, "well... I guess we would love to get a 4-6 year old little girl." She stated that they would make note of our "true preference" even though we were approved for either gender birth to age 6. Oh, but in the meantime, after learning that the wait time would be longer than we expected, we decided to change that age 6 to age 7, since Cameron would be turning 7 long before we would get a referral.
Another thing to note here, is that as a family, we began to pray for our adoption. We prayed for our daughter, that God would protect her and provide for her until we could bring her home. We prayed that God would send her to us in his timing. However, my timing was not lining up with God's timing and I got impatient. Every month, our agency sent out an email with a new wait list number and a list of "waiting children" who for whatever reason were not matched with a family. Anyone on the waiting list could inquire about these waiting children and then proceed to adopt them. There were several children that I eyeballed on that list, and several times I elbowed Greg. "What about this one? That is exactly what we want! Couldn't we consider that child?" And after each time that I elbowed Greg, he answered with a solid no, and a reminder that we were trusting God to send us our child through our agency. They were in fact a Christian agency whom we trusted to present us with a referral that was best fitted for us. I did not like that answer, but knew in my heart that he was right. We had to wait on God for this one.
After 7 months on the waiting list, a referral seemingly nowhere in sight (we had gone from #94 to #68), I began to doubt. Doubt that it would happen and doubt that God had really led us on this journey. I am so glad that even when I doubt and waver in my faith, God does not change His plan. All along, He knew what was waiting for us right around the corner. He knew what would happen that very last day of April.
It was a Tuesday morning like any other. I had packed all three kids in the van, grabbed my bottled water, and raced out the door to make it to my workout class in time. About halfway there, my phone rang. I fetched it out of my purse and read "Lifeline" while it kept ringing. "Lyndsey is calling to check on us because NOTHING is happening and I have to pretend that I am NOT growing very impatient," is what I thought. "Hello, Julie, it's Lyndsey. Do you have a minute? I know that you are approved for a girl up to age 7, but we want to know if you would consider an 8 year old girl who has a 5 year old brother?" "Um, what?" I thought, not remembering one word of what I said back to Lyndsey. Total shock. This was not supposed to happen for at least another year. That's what I had told everyone that recently asked how the adoption was going. I asked Lyndsey if I could call her back. I needed to call Greg and I was on my way to the Y. I must get my workout in. So I call Greg, barely able to get my mouth to work, and somehow manage to share what I was just told. Still not thinking of it as a referral, I answer the kids' questions who have heard everything at this point, and proceed to my exercise class. After about two minutes in, I realize that I can not concentrate. My mind is racing, replaying the conversation, and finally realizing that this is an actual referral. I decide to excuse myself from class and head out to the van so I can call Lyndsey back and get the scoop. You see, I have this hyper emotional response that kicks in whenever I am caught off guard. I tend to freeze up and don't know what to say and I can't think straight. After asking basic questions, I head to Greg's work so that we can receive the pictures and information on the children together.
The pictures and information we received were different than what we expected. "Wait just a minute God..., what?... this isn't what we were thinking. Don't you know what we wanted?" After Lesley explained everything to us about the documents, she told us that we had a week to decide if we would accept the referral of these two children. We hung up the phone and my husband gave me that smile that I have come to expect in these monumental moments. The smile along with his calm presence that told me everything would be okay. "But what about...?" We had a lot to think about and talk about later. He had to get back to work and I had to get out of there.
I am so thankful for those friends and family that have committed to praying for our adoption journey. You see, when someone tells me that they are praying, it is times like these that I know those prayers were heard. At this point in my day, I needed a word from God, and I needed it bad. I became a basket case as I thought of what it would mean if we did or did not accept the referral. My mind began to race, but this time with fear and confusion. In hindsight, I believe that the enemy was flooding my mind with fear and doubt. However, because of all those prayers that were lifted on our behalf, God moved in me. Praise God, he reached down, touched my heart, and changed the course of our lives by gently reminding me to trust in Him. Through reading scripture, prayer, and very wise counsel, I realized that this was our crossroads of faith. This is where "the rubber meets the road" and when we had to decide if we would jump in, trust God, give him our all, or if we would play it safe and continue to control our own path with our own agenda.
So here we are... we decided to accept that referral of two healthy siblings, ages 5 and 8ish... Realizing that this post is way longer than I intended, I will save the other exciting details for later. Just know that God has given us peace and hope as we trust in His plan for our family. We are about to burst with excitement and anticipation of what He has in store for our new family of 7. We can now rest in the truth of this word straight from His mouth:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Yes, this is really happening!
It has been just over a month since we accepted our referral. Although we have come out of our initial "shock", I still think that I need to pinch myself on most days. A good friend laughed at me when I told her I didn't believe this was really happening. I want to share so many things, particularly our referral day (as many fellow adoptive parents love to hear, I have learned), but frankly I have not had the time to gather all of my thoughts and communicate the day that changed our lives. We have been busy thinking of everything we need to do to prepare for two more children. Overwhelming to say the least, but in such a good way. We (all 5 of us) are so excited that we can't stand it. Clay keeps asking when we are going to adopt, if it is going to be Friday. He is ready for his brother. Below is a picture of his new bunk bed. He has claimed the top but I have a feeling the two of them will be squeezed together up there for a while.
In addition to home renovations, evidence that this adoption really is happening is that the Preliminary Court Hearing (PH) is scheduled for tomorrow, June 3rd. After this takes place the judge will assign a court date for us to attend. We have been told that this date is typically 4-6 weeks after the first court hearing. We have also gathered that most people receive this date 1-2 weeks after the PH. So we hope to hear in a couple weeks that we will be traveling to Ethiopia very soon! Like my dear friend told me, I better get ready, because this IS happening.
We appreciate your prayers for a smooth and "typical" process. We are reminded that we have no control over what happens in court tomorrow or for the rest of this process. But we know without a doubt that God led us here and he will carry us and our future children through it all.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
In addition to home renovations, evidence that this adoption really is happening is that the Preliminary Court Hearing (PH) is scheduled for tomorrow, June 3rd. After this takes place the judge will assign a court date for us to attend. We have been told that this date is typically 4-6 weeks after the first court hearing. We have also gathered that most people receive this date 1-2 weeks after the PH. So we hope to hear in a couple weeks that we will be traveling to Ethiopia very soon! Like my dear friend told me, I better get ready, because this IS happening.
We appreciate your prayers for a smooth and "typical" process. We are reminded that we have no control over what happens in court tomorrow or for the rest of this process. But we know without a doubt that God led us here and he will carry us and our future children through it all.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
Friday, May 10, 2013
Adoption Timeline
May/June 2012: Decided to pursue International Adoption.
August 2012: Completed Homestudy and Dossier.
September 2012: All paperwork (Dossier) shipped to Ethiopia
September 28, 2012: Dossier arrives in Ethiopia; official "waiting" begins!
October 2012-April 2013: WAITING, slowly move up the waiting list, not sure when the adoption will take place
April 30, 2013: Receive referral on two healthy beautiful siblings
June 3, 2013: Preliminary Court Hearing for the judge and orphanage
June 28, 2013: Court Hearing to finalize adoption. We will travel to Addis Ababa and get to meet the children. We will also get to experience the Ethiopian culture and explore the beautiful country.
*The next step after the hearing is for our children to be submitted to the US Embassy in Ethiopia to attain US Citizenship. This step typically takes 6-12 weeks. After this we will return to Addis Ababa and bring our children home!
August 2012: Completed Homestudy and Dossier.
September 2012: All paperwork (Dossier) shipped to Ethiopia
September 28, 2012: Dossier arrives in Ethiopia; official "waiting" begins!
October 2012-April 2013: WAITING, slowly move up the waiting list, not sure when the adoption will take place
April 30, 2013: Receive referral on two healthy beautiful siblings
June 3, 2013: Preliminary Court Hearing for the judge and orphanage
June 28, 2013: Court Hearing to finalize adoption. We will travel to Addis Ababa and get to meet the children. We will also get to experience the Ethiopian culture and explore the beautiful country.
*The next step after the hearing is for our children to be submitted to the US Embassy in Ethiopia to attain US Citizenship. This step typically takes 6-12 weeks. After this we will return to Addis Ababa and bring our children home!
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Are we crazy?
I can't help but hear these words in my head, imagining the reaction of others who may or may not understand why we are doing this. Several years ago, I may have uttered these words myself in response to someone that would do what we are about to do. To the logical person, it does not make sense. But to those of us that are in Christ and who choose to believe in an unseen God, it makes perfect sense.
Thus, our story begins... Greg and I have three beautiful children that bring joy and purpose to our lives. We are living the American Dream and doing fairly well. Our kids are healthy, Greg has a good job, we have a good marriage. We are involved in our church, have a great support network of friends and family. Life is good. God has certainly blessed us and we recognize His faithfulness throughout our lives. Yet, something is missing. There is a longing in each of our hearts for something more. We witness God's amazing power in the lives of some of our loved ones who have chosen to follow him whatever the costs. We read books such as "Radical," "Kisses from Katie," and "Not a Fan" that challenge our faith and urge us to become authentic followers of Christ in word and deed.
The walls of our church have echoed the words "Compelled for Christ" as it prepares for greater ministry. Our pastor has lead us to the words of the apostle Paul found in 2 Corinthians chapter 5, verses 13, 14, and 15: "If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." Although this was used by our pastor to explain the church's vision, I can't help but think that the Holy Spirit was speaking these words right into mine and Greg's hearts. You see, some might say that we are out of our mind. We might even wonder that ourselves at times. But the reason that we would ever even consider adding two children to our family, who are from the other side of the globe, is simply because we believe in a God that died for us and we can no longer live for ourselves.
We have chosen to adopt two beautiful children from Ethiopia. We believe that God has called our family to adoption and He revealed our children to us last week. We are excited about adding more love and laughter to our home but we are most excited to be part of God's greater plan of love and redemption. Yes, we may be crazy. Two more mouths to feed, two more bodies to care for, and two more students in our homeschool (yikes!). But, we know without a doubt that the God that brought us along this journey of adoption is faithful, he is with us, he will strengthen us, help us, and uphold us (Isaiah 41:10).
Our prayer is that our lives and our story bring Him glory. Our desire is to share this journey with you that you may see the goodness and glory of God Almighty.
Thus, our story begins... Greg and I have three beautiful children that bring joy and purpose to our lives. We are living the American Dream and doing fairly well. Our kids are healthy, Greg has a good job, we have a good marriage. We are involved in our church, have a great support network of friends and family. Life is good. God has certainly blessed us and we recognize His faithfulness throughout our lives. Yet, something is missing. There is a longing in each of our hearts for something more. We witness God's amazing power in the lives of some of our loved ones who have chosen to follow him whatever the costs. We read books such as "Radical," "Kisses from Katie," and "Not a Fan" that challenge our faith and urge us to become authentic followers of Christ in word and deed.
The walls of our church have echoed the words "Compelled for Christ" as it prepares for greater ministry. Our pastor has lead us to the words of the apostle Paul found in 2 Corinthians chapter 5, verses 13, 14, and 15: "If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." Although this was used by our pastor to explain the church's vision, I can't help but think that the Holy Spirit was speaking these words right into mine and Greg's hearts. You see, some might say that we are out of our mind. We might even wonder that ourselves at times. But the reason that we would ever even consider adding two children to our family, who are from the other side of the globe, is simply because we believe in a God that died for us and we can no longer live for ourselves.
We have chosen to adopt two beautiful children from Ethiopia. We believe that God has called our family to adoption and He revealed our children to us last week. We are excited about adding more love and laughter to our home but we are most excited to be part of God's greater plan of love and redemption. Yes, we may be crazy. Two more mouths to feed, two more bodies to care for, and two more students in our homeschool (yikes!). But, we know without a doubt that the God that brought us along this journey of adoption is faithful, he is with us, he will strengthen us, help us, and uphold us (Isaiah 41:10).
Our prayer is that our lives and our story bring Him glory. Our desire is to share this journey with you that you may see the goodness and glory of God Almighty.
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