Our family is once again changing. In four very short days we will be welcoming the newest member to the Mateyoke clan. Unless God has plans otherwise, this little guy will enter the world and join our family this Friday June 17th. Child #6, family member #8, and grandchild #20 to two of the proudest grandparents you will ever meet. We are all excited, thrilled, and a little nervous about all of the changes that newborns bring that we may have forgotten about in 7 short years. This should feel like old hat to us. It doesn't. It feels different and has felt different from the beginning of this pregnancy. The fact that I am blogging about it and needing to document this journey, is another reminder how significant this precious baby is to us.
We are almost 3 years into our adoption journey, from the time we met our children and brought them home. It has unbelievably been 3 years that Ruth and Jimmy have been with us. Time has flown by in a whirlwind, and it has lingered and toiled at the same time. As I have always revealed in my writing, as well as to anyone that has seriously asked, it has been a journey full of joy as well as pain and tears. There is nothing easy or natural about adoption, and when you take all the factors of children, personalities, birth order, culture, language barriers, pride, and selfishness, you are left with a tangled mess of a family. BUT, we serve a very faithful and gracious God who has walked beside us and provided all of our needs every single day. We have survived thus far and all of our children are thriving and healthy which is only a testament to our loving Father who has made that possible.
I started having the baby urge and started praying and wondering if this might be something God would have for our family. Through so much pain and changes in our family, I questioned the timing, but just couldn't shake the feeling that we were not done with having babies. After prayer, talking to Greg, and a longer wait period than with my other 3 babies, we found out that I was pregnant. I felt a strong peace that God planned this child and that there was a specific reason for its life, as is the obvious case with every single pregnancy and new life. Even though I was older (advanced maternal age to be exact), getting comfortable with my older and more independent kids, and running out of room in our already crowded house.
Fast forward to 9 months of a very healthy and normal pregnancy. My easiest one of the four. Here I am at the end of this period, physically ready to pop yet learning spiritual truths of God's timing of this baby. In my study of the Bible, I have been reading a Psalm along with a passage in another part of the bible. I have been stuck on the same Psalm for several weeks. It has so much meaning for me each time I read it that I just can't move past it. I have read, re-read, memorized, recited, and have tied it and connected it with other passages. Here are just a few lines from Psalm 130:
"Out of the depths, I cry out to you. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy."
"If you O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared."
"My soul waits for the Lord and in his word I put my hope."
"With the Lord is unfailing love and full redemption."
You see, this baby, this new life inside of me, represents a new beginning for our family. Not that we need a physical representation. Every single one of us has this word from God, that he gives us forgiveness and full redemption. But, God knew that my weak and frail faith longed for a concrete symbol from him. He didn't have to give me one, but He did. This baby, who we have chosen to name Levi (meaning "joined together in harmony"), represents a new beginning for our family that is still learning how to join together in God's grace and love.
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