Birthdays, baseball, and eggs

We have been busy around here.  With Spring, comes baseball and we now have THREE boys playing at once.  Greg and I were dreading going back to the tball field since we have worked our way up to Majors with Reece.  However, we forgot how much fun it is to watch the game through the eyes of beginners.  Clay and Jimmy were both so excited to wear their new hats, shirts, and cleats.  They both claimed they hit home runs since they made their way around the bases.  And yes, Clay is already asking when he will get his trophy (just like his sister did).  We were thrilled to get to play on the same team of some friends of ours and the boys just love their "Coach Allen".

We are so proud of Reece who was recognized on the Cincinnati Reds field for winning 1st place in a skills competition for all the Reds Summer Camps.  He is loving playing his new position of catcher for his Rangers team and still growing and striking out on the pitcher's mound.

Our daughter, Ruth, has been marking days off on her calendar and was so excited to celebrate her birthday for the very first time.  As I held her basketball cake in front of her and my family sang to her, I became overwhelmed at the magnitude of that moment.  This girl is pretty amazing.  I will write a post on her soon, but for now, just know that.  My family is THE BEST and they made sure that our girl's day was special.

What else can I say but God is so good to us.  Our enemy has been working so hard to tear me down, thus tearing our family down.  Adoption is still hard.  There is so much to deal with and grow into to become attached and to be a family that genuinely loves each other.  There is nothing easy about that.  Someone told me that adoption is a refining process and I agree.  But I remember praying for God to refine me.   I remember praying for him to give me an undivided heart for him and for my children to love him with their whole hearts.  If the challenges of my life brings my heart closer to my God, then I want them.  And the moments of this month that are captured above are proof that God is still rooting for us.  My weak heart has to be reminded of that every now and again.

OH....and the Reece's WHITE CHOCOLATE eggs are from my sister who, although she can't always be here with us, somehow knows just how to make me smile.

Halfway There

We are working on memorizing a chapter in the Bible.  We are halfway there.  Our kids are halfway there to being home for a year (6 months).  We as a family are halfway there to feeling like a real family.  We are halfway there to loving each other the way that God intends.  Further than we were, but we still have far to go.  (Btw...I am so thankful that God is FULLY invested in our family.  If I didn't believe that then I would fully give up).  Here is a little piece of our family's progress...

Learning our ABCs

"The A says (a), the A says (a), every letter makes a sound, the A says (a)".  We know this tune very well in our family.  It has been sung over and over again in the past several months.  If you don't know it, I suggest you check out the "Letter Factory" video in the Leap Frog series.  It has been beneficial to our children in learning letter sounds,  and laying a foundation for phonics and early reading.  You see, I love reading, and teaching reading really excites me.  Maybe because I loved to read as a child and had dreams of being a librarian or owning a book store. Maybe it's because my grandmother was a Reading Specialist and had classroom materials in her house that my sisters and I played school with.  Quite possibly, it's because I am a third generation teacher and it is just in my blood.  Whatever the case, I love it! Needless to say, I am measuring overall success with my Amharic-speaking children in their ability to read.  They are both reading English and I couldn't be more proud.  Of course, I am not speaking of my abilities to teach them but of their sharp little minds to pick up a foreign language in ways of understanding, speaking, reading, and even spelling it. Can you fathom it?  I took 4 years of French in high school, two in college, and I can not speak a sentence of it to save my life.  These kids have been here 5 months and are already reading.  I am positive that I am not the optimal teacher.  I use the old-fashioned way of letter identification, letter sound, then putting them all together to make words.  We read aloud to each other multiple times throughout the day as well.  There is probably a better way to teach reading to ESL children (please don't send me links), but somehow we are managing without it.  What I have observed with my own 4 children (soon to be 5), is there is an innate drive in them to learn to read.  Because of my less than stellar teaching abilities, I am convinced that they will learn with or without their momma teacher.  There is another reason that I believe this...

This morning I read this Psalm (104:1-7) from the Bible:

"O Lord my God, you are very great; you are clothed with splendor and majesty.  He wraps himself in light as with a garment; he stretches out the heavens like a tent and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.  He makes the clouds his chariot and rides on the wings of the wind.  He makes winds his messengers, flames of fire his servants.  He set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved.  You covered it with the deep as with a garment; the waters stood above the mountains.  But at your rebuke the waters fled, at the sound of your thunder they took to flight; "

I believe that God wants his children to know him.  I believe that he reveals himself through his written word.  I believe that in a world where so many doubt in our unseen God, debating that He doesn't exist because we can't PROVE him, he does just that.  He proves himself to us through his word.  My children are reading!  I am so excited because they will one day read their Creator's words that were written just for them.  They are on their way to reading, which means they are on their way to a divine meeting with the Almighty God.

I know that my Reading Specialist grandmother, Amy Ruth, would be so proud of our Ruth who is learning to read and will one day read from the pages of the Bible which was her most treasured book. 
 

3 Months and Still Needing a Savior

We are three months into our adoption and I keep thinking that I should have some insight by now to tell others who may be starting the journey.  Someone asked me to be a guest panelist on a blog for older children adoptions and after 2 weeks, the questions are still sitting in my inbox, unanswered.  I don't like the feeling of an unanswered email, but I just can't bring myself to offer information that might be taken as advice on something that I am still muddling through.  Because frankly, I am still searching for answers myself, every single day. 

Don't get me wrong. We have come far in 3 months. The challenges we faced initially are not so much challenges anymore, and our children have made great strides in learning English and gaining a taste for American food, which are the two biggies.  And if I were honest, I would tell you that much of the challenge now lies within myself.  Therefore, whenever I do gain insight relating to the state I am in, I get a little excited and want to share it with anyone who will listen, whether they are adopting or not. 

When I say that I am searching for answers, I mean that I pray multiple times a day, crying out to God for his help and wisdom.  I have learned (thankfully) that no blog, facebook group, article, or other adoptive mother can give me the answers I need for my family.  Every family is different and if I were to compare our situation with any other, or to simply apply what other families have done, I would get nowhere.  That leaves me with a big need and not many easy answers.  You see, I have a preteen daughter that speaks another language, 4-year-old twin boys (basically), and two other children that are trying to find their place in the family, like any other child would be.  Are you shuddering yet?

In my weakest moments, I often ask myself or my husband, "why me?  I am not cut out for this.  What was God thinking?  Seriously???"  I am definitely no Jen Hatmaker, Michelle Duggar, or Alicia Rowe (wink wink).  I am not a barrel of fun, I lean towards introversion, and I lack the self discipline needed to properly manage a homeschool and family of 7. I like to sleep in and have yet to conquer mornings!  (I really thought that I would be a morning person when I became a mother, because that is a sure sign of a good one :)).  So once again, this leaves quite the GAP when it comes to the needs of my family and my capabilities. 

God just happens to think differently, I do believe.  After I left my daughter's room the other night, feeling disappointed because of my inability to connect with her, I turned straight to this verse:  "But, Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.  For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends."  (2 Corinthians 10:17-18).  I often get caught up in what I am doing wrong or how every single thing I do affects one of my 5 innocent children who are looking to me for love, acceptance, guidance, and strength.  I want to throw my hands up and scream, "Stop watching me!  I'm not a good role model!"  Thankfully, this scripture lets me of the hook.  Even if I was the ideal adoptive mother, it wouldn't matter a hill of beans to the one who does matter.

We have talked about Mary, the mother of Jesus quite a bit in our home.  Our children come from a traditional religious background that holds her in the highest regard.  As Christmas surrounds us, we are faced with this woman who considered herself a "humble servant," yet is highly esteemed by many.  I got to hear my dad preach last Sunday on "Mary's Song" which is found in the 1st chapter of Luke.  As Dad pointed out, Mary only sought to magnify God.  She could have argued all the reasons why she was not a good choice to be the mother of Jesus (as there were several), but instead she focused on the goodness and faithfulness of her God.  She might not have known how God would orchestrate all the details of her life or her heart for that matter, to go through the life and death of her baby boy.  But instead of doubting, wondering, and fearing (as I am so prone to do), she said, "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior" (Luke 1:46-47). 

I am in no way attempting to compare myself with the Beloved Mother of Jesus, but I can't help but think that God wants me to learn from her life.  She too had a gap between what God called her to do and the responsibility/influence she had as being the mother of the King of Kings.  Can you just imagine the pressure?  I wonder how many times Joseph had to talk her off the ledge and remind her that it was God who would see them through, not their own capabilities or successful parenting.  I don't know if she was as insecure a mother as I am, but I do know that the same God that was faithful to Mary is faithful to me and my family.

"But, Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.  For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends."  (2 Corinthians 10:17-18).
      

The Best Part

My sister asked me this evening what the hardest part of our adoption has been. It didn't take me long to respond that it was "managing the household" (and I don't consider myself a good manager). A household that now contains 5 children under the age of 10.  Half of them different sexes, half of them different DNA, and half of them from different cultures (well almost half).  That really was an easy answer.  It doesn't take a graduate level psychologist (even former) to guess what that answer would be. Even though this has been our best week yet, my sister knows me well enough to ask the hard questions and not let me get away with the typical response of "it's going well".

Well you can imagine my surprise when I came out of the little boys room after putting them to bed and found this little set up:  

The papers are labeled "Cameron" and "Ruth" at the appropriate place setting of popcorn, preferred drink and stuffed animal, all in front of the TV.  I was so fortunate to have one as well with my preferred drink.  We had planned to watch a movie since it was just us girls, as the little boys were sleeping and the big boys were at a football game.  However, being the worn out mom that I am these days, I didn't plan any of these extra touches.  Cameron did this all on her own.   I was actually planning to get some laundry done while they watched the movie, but after this sweet surprise, I decided to neglect the laundry and soak in the moments with my girls.   

Sher bear, if you changed the question to "What is the best part?" this is my answer.   

"In a minute"

"In a minute," is one of the few English phrases that my daughter can say well, American accent and all.  I don't know if it's because she has heard me say it so much since she has been home, because I say it in a sing-song voice as I am calling back to one of my children across the house, or if it is because she can sense my frustration of having to repeat it over and over to my little people.  Whatever the case, she has it down.  This is how our conversation went today:  I say, "It's time to go to your room for a bit.  I will be up there in a minute."  Ruth says, "in a minute, Mommy" (points to me). "In a minute, me?"  (points to self).  I respond, "Me, yes, in a minute.  You, right now."  She smiles and goes back to painting her toenails, as if she doesn't understand what "right now" means.

As I finished my task of washing dishes (and yes, she did proceed to go to her room after the toenails were painted), I realized my lesson was in the words that my daughter can say so beautifully.  God had answered my prayer of revealing something to me, something good from this mess of a week we had, something to show me that he is in fact present in our family right now. 

A wise friend spoke these words to me yesterday morning (without me telling her any details of the tumultuous week):  "persevere, it will get better."  An adoptive parent recently told my husband that adoption is often living out what the Bible teaches on love when it doesn't come naturally.  My mind was suddenly connecting all of these words of others and I realized that God was speaking to me.  Before today, I already knew what the Bible says about love, especially in 1 Corinthians 13:  "Love is patient...."  Even though I had memorized it several times, I had never thought about why God would list patience as the first virtue of love.  As a parent trying to teach my children to be patient, I am beginning to understand.  Patience is for their own good.  Patience will help them in every area of their life.  Patience will build their character.  If they learn to wait now, it will help them later in life.  To love others and to love God, they must be patient.  They must learn to put their own needs and wants aside and wait, sometimes blindly, submitting to authority. 

I realized then that although I am training my children to be patient, I expect them to obey immediately.  Yes, it is okay for Mommy and Daddy to take their time in answering you, but you must obey as soon as we ask.  It sounds harsh as I type it, but is that not how it is with God?  God trains us to be patient, but he expects us to obey while we wait. 

You see, this lesson that I so desperately need right now is to be patient.  We have been home just over 3 weeks from Ethiopia with two new members of our family.  I will not lie.  It has been hard.  It has been trying.  It has been a struggle to transition from a comfortable family of 5 to an awkward family of 7.  Anyone that has asked me how it is going has received an honest answer.  However, with my honesty of the reality of our life right now comes a shout out to a God that I KNOW is rooting for us.  He told me just today what Greg and I need the most of to get through this:  PATIENCE (to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart; to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles- Vine's Expository Dictionary).  I am so glad that God is patient with me.  He knew the virtue I needed to work on first when I practice loving my children, thus listing it at the very beginning of a well-known chapter.  Because He has loved me so and because He is so patient with me, I will be patient with them.  I will "persevere" as my friend said, and not loose heart because I can't wait to see what God does with this awkward family. 

"Love is patient" 1 Corinthians 13:4                  

So so close

We are so close! Close to going across the globe again, close to seeing their smiling faces again, close to finalizing the very last step of our adoption journey, and so close to bringing our babies home  (Yes they are older children and yes I will call them babies as I refer to all of my children)!  I simply cannot believe that we are finally here.   God is so good and he has been faithful to get us here.

I am thankful that he is, even when I am unfaithful.  My faith has wavered in these last few weeks.   I had my worry glasses on as I looked around me instead of above me.   Once again I have proven myself unfaithful to a God that is more than faithful.   He is everlasting and true.

You see, there are so many variables with adoption, especially international adoption.   One of the major forces of adoption is timing.   Ask any adoptive parent and they will tell you that timing is everything and every minute away from your child is counted.  So when my plate began to fill with things beyond my control I began to wonder what God was thinking and feeling sure that he needed my help in planning all of this (even though he is the MAKER of time).   So I fretted, I griped, I complained, and I cried. All signs of my weak heart.   But God was faithful...

Little did I know that He would call my precious Nanny home smack dab in the middle of it all.  Little did I know that what Nanny left for me, my sisters, cousins, and everyone who knew and loved her was a legacy that I needed, smack dab in the middle of all of this.   Little did I know that God would work out every single detail of timing from schedules, surgeries, and the amazing drop in airline prices to fit my needs.   Plus, God would answer my selfish prayer of allowing my mom to travel with me.  Oh He is good!  And little did I know that the last sermon I would hear before going on this second trip to Ethiopia would be based on  Nanny's life verse.   One that all 10 of her grandchildren know by heart because it was written on every card that she gave to each of them.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. "  Proverbs 3:5&6

Yes we are near the end of the waiting.   Our babies will be home in less than two weeks.   We will have them in our home and in our hearts forever.   We will finally be able to see the fruition of so many answered prayers.   But in so many ways our journey is just beginning.   They have so much to learn and we do as well.   There are a whole new set of issues that will arise once we get home, that may or may not surprise us.   If I listen to my weak heart I will be terrified.   But if I listen to the favorite words of Amy Reeves, my heart will be at peace.   God has this.   He has proven faithful, just in this month, in so many ways.   I am confident that he is committed to my family, all 7 of us.